I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
