is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
