when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
