You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
