So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
