Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
