I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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