she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
