My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
