Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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