yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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