Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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