Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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