I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
