I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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