I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
