Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
