I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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