Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
