i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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