Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize