Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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