i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
