she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
