I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
