WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
