It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
