if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
