i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
