My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
