So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
