you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
