Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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