He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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