he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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