I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
