farters have to be the big spoon...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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