youre lurking in front of me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
