She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
