He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
