her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
