So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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