he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
