Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
