you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
