Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will be naked everywhere
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
