I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I smell stomach acid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hippo gnu deer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
