i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
