Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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