you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
