I must be too annoying 4 u.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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