I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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