I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
