dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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