There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
