really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
