Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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