i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
