This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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