Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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