i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
