He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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