this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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