I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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