Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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