i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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