That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
