I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
