I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
