I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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