she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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