the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
