Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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