Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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