how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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